“Father made me an instrument of your Love…”
As usual on my Birthday things happen for me so that I can experience life with a different awareness…… during the days leading to my birthday, I experience many things, and emotions. I always move from a deep state of sadness or depression to profound feelings of Gratitude and Love. This year wasn’t different.
This morning, I was watching a documentary on yoga when the image of a Buddhist Monk sitting in the snow in meditation on the Himalayas hit my heart! A deep sadness and a profound Gratitude exploded in my chest at the same time. It was so intense that I started to cry. I kept repeating to myself “what am I doing?” Over and over again. The beautiful face of this holy man sitting in the snow is stuck in my mind, it pierced my soul. He was in a state of total surrender, at peace, present in the now, radiating Love. And I felt a Gratitude so intense that brought tears to my eyes. But I also felt sadness and kept thinking aloud in my mind “what am I doing?”…
And I heard the voice of St. Francis of Assisi coming through this sadness:
“Father make me an instrument of your Love”. It was one of the most beautiful mantras I have ever heard, the love so intense, I couldn’t stop crying.
While I was hearing these words the sadness in me kept asking:
When did I forget that? When did I lost track of my inner journey to focus on what I thought I wanted? As a human being, when did I forget that I am an instrument, a channel for the Divine and not a selfish being looking for fleeting happiness? When did I forget how to surrender, trust and be an instrument of Divine Joy and Love? And I kept thinking and feeling: what am I doing with my life? Why am I here?
And what I felt came through again with the loving voice of St. Francis… “Father made me an instrument of your Love”.
Suddenly the prayer that I learned in my childhood slowly came through from a forgotten place in my heart:
“Signore, fa di me
uno strumento della Tua Pace:
Dove è odio, fa ch’io porti l’Amore,
Dove è offesa, ch’io porti il Perdono,
Dove è discordia, ch’io porti l’Unione,
Dove è dubbio, ch’io porti la Fede,
Dove è errore, ch’io porti la Verità,
Dove è disperazione, ch’io porti la Speranza,
Dove è tristezza, ch’io porti la Gioia,
Dove sono le tenebre, ch’io porti la Luce.
Maestro, fa che io non cerchi tanto
Ad esser consolato, quanto a consolare;
Ad essere compreso, quanto a comprendere;
Ad essere amato, quanto ad amare.
Poiché, così è:
Dando, che si riceve;
Perdonando, che si è perdonati;
Morendo, che si risuscita a Vita Eterna. Amen”
“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen”
And I still hear these words resonating within me: “Father made me an instrument of your Love.”
© Michela Sborchia ALL RIGHTS RESERVED