I head a breakdown yesterday and I am not writing about it because I feel a victim… the opposite of that! I am writing about it because by not playing in the duality game of victim and perpetrator, I could see what was happening and how I was sabotaging myself. And so, I thought if someone is experiencing the same maybe this can help.
Recently someone said to me that when you have a breakdown, you are also discovering yourself more and more every day. So true! It took a full night to see what was happening, but Goddess voice guided me into the right direction: “You don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to look polished and beautiful. You have to be real and you have to be you”.
The nature of my work is about embracing myself fully, from the physical to the divine and everything in between, so that I can help others to do that too. And along this path, I have been tested multiple times. I failed and fell, I stood up and kept walking again and again. Within every dark night of the soul, every failure and every pain I had the opportunity to raise from that space feeling stronger, whole and powerful every time.
I am now working with a part of myself that I don’t like, and yesterday she decided it was time to deal with this inner separation once and for all. And she came through with all her pain and I cried. My wounded self doesn’t remember how to do this, she simply feels the isolation. My ego argues that it is because I am special and certain people in my life brought me to this point to dim my light. But my soul looks at the struggle and shouts “Get over yourself woman and your need to be a victim, your need to be liked and your need to be right”!
I dim my light when I play the role of the victim or the role of the perpetrator, when I engage in the duality paradigm instead of looking beyond. I have to acknowledge that there is a part of myself that I don’t like and when I do that she can surface back from the jungle of my unconscious mind. Only then I can see her and work with her until the separation disappears and I am one with her again. I don’t pretend that in one night I have it all figured out and I am now healed. Last night the process simply started, and I don’t really know how long it’ll take. But when it comes to my healing and inner journeys I am fully committed.
This deep journeys into my soul have brought me back so much energy and power that I didn’t even know I had. I am doing this for myself, because I love myself enough to see when I need a hug to feel comforted and when I need a slap on my face to wake up.
And now, I am leaving behind the need to be perfect, the need to be right, the need to be liked and I feel free.
© Michela Sborchia ALL RIGHTS RESERVED