The power of Vulnerability
I head a breakdown yesterday and I am not writing about it because I feel a victim who needs sympathy or approval from external sources.
I am the opposite of that!
I went through my breakdown, I embraced it and I had a powerful breakthrough.
I am writing about it because by acknowledging what happened, I stopped the mind game of my subconscious and moved through victim consciousness into oneness. I could see what was happening and how I was sabotaging myself. And so, I thought if someone is experiencing the same this blog post can help.
The nature of my work is about embracing myself fully, from the physical to the divine and everything in between, so that I can help others to do the same. Along this path, I have been tested multiple times. I failed and fell, I stood up and kept walking time and again. With every dark night of the soul, every failure and every sorrow, I had the opportunity to raise from that space of illusion where fear seems to be so strong.
Every time, I surrender and raise from that deep darkness I feel whole, powerful and deeply loved. I feel, see and know I am Love.
Recently, I have become aware of a powerful teaching. It came into my awareness through a series of synchronicities. When we have a breakdown, we are also discovering parts of ourselves that in the past we didn’t dare to reach. We walk through familiar but forgotten territories. We experience the pain to see the light at the end of the tunnel and receive amazing breakthroughs.
It took me a full night of tears and heartache to see what was truly happening. There I was crying and fully embodying the victim consciousness, the same energy I am working on releasing from my being, every day. I jumped into the drama and I wouldn’t let go.
The voice of the Divine from my heart eventually guided me into the right direction. The pain started to shift a little in the early hours of the morning. It is true when they say a new dawn is a new life! All of this drama because, yesterday and today I have been working with a part of myself that I never accepted. She has been playing the hide and seek game for a long time and when I stopped looking for her, she stopped being patient and decided it was time to deal with this inner separation once and for all. And she came through with all her pain and I cried….. I head a breakdown.
Unfortunately, my wounded self doesn’t know what to do, she simply feels the isolation, the separation and the feeling of being a victim of a cruel joke. All these childhood memories and experiences of my teen years start surfacing from a hiding place buried deep within my being. Those parts of myself never left me, they didn’t separate through trauma and harsh life experiences. They simply and quietly moved into a cave in the deepest recesses of my soul. They became patterns and beliefs eager to be loved once again.
My ego jumps at the opportunity to have a voice about all this. It argues that I feel so much pain because I am special and certain people in my life brought me to this point to dim my light.
With time and experience, through years of meditation, healing and connection with my Spirit, I learned how to become aware of these slips. “To Be Aware that I Am Aware” became my mantra and when I feel like falling back into that pit of desperation, I say to myself: I love myself enough to stop what I am doing, sit down, breathe deeply and meditate.
My Higher Self, my Spirit looks at the struggle from a very different perspective and shouts in a lovingly and assertive voice: “Michela, get over the drama! Please get over yourself and your need to be a victim, your need to be liked and your need to be right”!
I see now that in truth, no one obscures my light
No one takes advantage of my good nature
No one feeds on my energy and soul… unless I create this scenario!
I dim my light
when I embrace Victimhood (one of the pillars of human de-evolution)
when I feed the addiction to drama
when I let my subconscious beliefs take the wheel
when I lose my balance and slip into oblivion or into the bright light of unconsciousness that blinds me and makes me believe I am always right
When I engage in the old paradigm of reality (duality, illusion)
And so, instead of looking beyond, I get stuck and I can’t see the forest for the trees. I am held in a limbo.
Today I have to acknowledge that there is a part of myself that I don’t like and when I do that she can surface back from the jungle of my subconscious mind. Only then I can see her and work with her until the separation disappears and I am one with her again. I don’t pretend that in one night I have it all figured out and I am now healed. Last night the process simply started, and I don’t really know how long it’ll take. But when it comes to my healing and inner journeys I am fully committed.
I held her in my arms and cuddle her so tightly she can’t breathe. I repeat to her I love you, I love you, I love until she smiles back at me and I feel her heavy heart become lighter and brighter. She transforms under my eyes in the energy of Pure Divine Unconditional Love. She feels loved, supported and uplifted. She can take on the world now with so much energy, and Love that she didn’t even know was possible.
This deep journeys into my soul have brought me back so much energy and power that I didn’t even know I had. I am doing this for myself, because I love myself enough to see when I need a hug to feel comforted and when I need a slap on my face to wake up.
On this day, I am leaving behind the need to be perfect, the need to be right, the need to be liked and I feel free.
© Michela Sborchia ALL RIGHTS RESERVED