Primal

Have you ever felt scared and exhilarated at the same time? You know, when you are facing that thing that really scares the hell out of you, but you want to experience it instead of running away from it? I am not really sure how to describe this, but I have this very deep primal fear that I kind of like. Does this make me weird? On my birthday this year, I became aware of this energy deep within me. It happened right on my birth day. Suddenly, out of the blue an image I was looking at made something very deep within me shake and awake…. This exhilarating, primal fear surfaced from the abyss of my being and I loved it. I know it sounds strange. How can you love your own fears, and most importantly why on earth do you want to experience that? The fact is that from all the fears I have this one stood up on the day I was born and screamed at me with the force a giant and made my soul shake. I did not want to run away from it, I wanted to feel it in my mind, body and soul…… it was fierce, primal, warrior like, with the strength of an earthquake and a hurricane put together. To be honest, I find very difficult to describe it with human words, this energy that I feel deep inside of me. This fear that I loved so much and that energy that was rushing like a swollen river though my body was extremely strong. Every part of my physical body could feel it…. And I mean every part!

It all started 3 days before my birthday. I woke up one morning and I felt this deep sadness coming from a place inside of me I could not pin point. During these 3 days, I felt depressed and upset, I cried. I felt I didn’t belong and that I didn’t want it to be my birthday in the coming days. I was in a desperate state of feeling rejected, heartbroken, depressed, not belonging…. Why I was feeling like that? Obviously, the B day approaching had stirred something in me, an old wound that I have been carrying within, year after year. During the first day I started to feel pain at the back of my neck and shoulders. The pain increased constantly throughout the day and in the evening, I could not bend my neck back or forward. The energy was stuck, and I felt emotional and physical pain. I stopped and consciously breathed, deep and long breaths. I asked myself, my spirit “what can I do?” And after a series of weird coincidences and hidden messages, I decided to contact my sister and friend to see if she could give me an acupuncture session and amazingly she was free on the day I dreaded the most, the B day!

When the day arrived, I woke up and didn’t feel any better and then suddenly an impulse made me look at my beloved, as if someone was telling me, “…. open your heart, open your eyes and look at this beautiful being….” On the day of my birthday, I remembered that I wasn’t alone and that all I wanted on that day was beside me, carrying me. So, I got ready and took the bus into town. I was 30 minutes late for my appointment. Unfortunately, if you know Dublin bus you understand why. Anyhow, I reached the clinic about 30 min late and I could not stop thinking that when I was born I was late too. My mom always tells me that I didn’t want to come out and I finally decided I was ready 3 weeks after the due date. She made such a cosy place for me inside her womb that instead of coming out running, I took my time, literally! People would tell me that I didn’t want to be born because I knew how difficult my life was going to be. One day I stopped listening to that non-sense and I finally started listening to my inner voice and truth. I was late because I was making sure I was fully ready for my mission and also because my mom’s womb was ultra-cosy and I didn’t want to let go of that magical place too soon.

When I arrived for my appointment, the warmth of my friend made me feel even better. We did the session and I responded really well. At the end of the treatment I was not in pain and I could move my neck. I felt this primal energy rushing through my body and up my spine and I felt like a huge block was finally released. I didn’t understand straight away what was happening. The day continued in a lovely flow. The energy was finally moving inside my body and I felt ready and I felt re-born. The needles pressing on my channels helped me open the gates that I used to block my chi. At that point nothing was stopping that energy to rush through my entire body to heal me. I was not expecting all of this to happen on that special day but, I did feel blessed and profoundly grateful for all that happened the first week of May.

Few days after, I met with another dear friend for brunch. I was telling her the story and she said that it was probably a kundalini rising. When she said that, all the pieces of the puzzle came together, and I could see the bigger picture, I finally understood what was happening to me.

Michela Sborchia

© Michela Sborchia ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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