This was a tough lesson to learn for me, and truth to be told, it’s just the beginning. It’s a bitter pill to swallow on my path to liberation, but it is part of path and my growth. I didn’t even know if to write about it, at first. I simply asked to experience it and we all know: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you….” Matthew 7:7.
Every time a Divine Seed (message/teaching…. however you call it) is planted within me, I receive a glimpse of it. This seed was not different. I have been having small visitations for the last 7 years about it and only now the message keeps coming through constantly, it doesn’t disappear and I am not forgetting.
I have been experiencing something very interesting, from my perspective, for the last seven years.
And today I feel the need to write about it. It is a subject that has been around for ever and we rarely agree on it. In this small blog piece, I speak from my experience and from my heart about the Illusion of Free Will and the importance of Surrendering to Spirit.
I do not want to talk about how you can surrender, because this is a personal journey and we all have to move through different life lessons to get there and at the time that is right for us.
This is a little article about a personal journey that put me face to face with the paradox of Free Will.
To me Free Will is one of the last vestiges of the Ego, a “stronghold” of the ego-mind (a bit like the tower that crumbles in the Tarot cards). It took me a while to get to write this. It was hard at first, before I remembered to surrender. When I first received a glimpse of this concept, it was an aha moment. I truly felt it. Then after a while the concept disappeared until recently when an experience that I was moving through made me remember. The free will paradigm is just an illusion. As part of this dream world, it was embedded in the tapestry of life. It was put there to give us a sense of control (the mind likes controlling), in a life that seems to be too hard and chaotic at times.
But chaos is spirituality we cannot yet explain.
We are taught from ancient texts and New Age movements that God gave us free will and because it is God’s law, we accepted it as a gift. But what if free will is the last of the ego games we must move through in order to fully surrender to Spirit? What if God made us believe we have a choice but in truth we accept that as a gift so that we could descend deeper into the illusion of division? That was the plan, after all. How far can we go in to this ignis-fatuus and dividedness? Are we going to be able to truly surrender to Spirit when the quicksand of this dream state reality is swallowing us deeper and deeper into the pit of forgetfulness? Are we also forgetting that it is never about us?
Truth (at least to me) is that we all know we came here to be in service. But to be fully in service, we must surrender. And surrendering doesn’t simply mean to let Spirit use us today and then tomorrow we decide to go back to our old self. Surrender is much deeper and it requires a great deal of Faith and Trust, something that we, as human beings, find quite difficult to do. Even when we declare to the world we have finally surrendered, we are probably trying to control the surrendering part too. I know it is hard! Believe me, I know this well! I was what you may call a control freak and a times I still am.
After all, just like you, I too forgot everything the moment I was born. I jumped into the illusion of separation to experience life on earth. I did it so many times. And that was a truly surrendering moment when in Service to Spirit and for the Love of All, I came to be part of this experiment. So, in truth we know we can surrender, we just forgot about it.
You have probably experienced this already, the feeling of being burned alive, dismantled piece by piece, unveiled, broken down to the core… You feel like you are dying and you are! BUT what is ceasing to exist is the ego and not the Spirit. We often mistake the standing up for ourselves with an ego reaction to a situation. And so, we feel that the ego is still important in our life. But I have seen people close to me, standing up for themselves from a place of Love. There was no ego or negativity in their assertiveness and boundaries. This is something that we do when we are expressing from spirit and not from fear. Each one of us will go through these experiences in unique ways and it is up to us to remember what these experiences mean to us, and how to navigate the water of this journey to total surrender.
Personally, what gets to me every time is the fact that I think I am surrendering until I realize I am trying to control that too. I have heard so many people declaring to the world that they have surrendered to God and Goddess but the first thing they do after that is to tell you how to do it… kind of defies the meaning of surrendering, doesn’t it? Surrender doesn’t even involve choice and certainly doesn’t involve the ego. It is a concept that we feel deep within us and yet we cannot fully express it with human words yet. I cannot tell you how it is going to happen for you. But I can talk about the profound peace I experienced once that happened. I never experienced such a deep state of peace in my entire life. I don’t mean to be hard and tell you that you must surrender and stop being human, but I am asking you to please remember that you are more. I know it can be a difficult concept to grasp…. It is definitely a tough concept to put down into words.
I feel I am writing about this because it is part of my life, …… surrendering everyday more and more to Spirit. I don’t know how long it is going to take and how far I’ll go but the moment I experienced that surrendering, it crated an immense reaction into my soul. I cannot be here without being in service to Spirit, and I cannot be on earth without remembering how to Serve All and Love All. Oh Gosh, I don’t want to sound perfect, because I am not. I am Divine as I am Human, with all that it entails.
But I have felt that Love and Surrender even if it was only for few minutes. And as I experienced it, I know that as human beings and divine beings, we can all experience that. If you chose to do so, it is entirely up to you. I am not here to dictate what is right or wrong, I am simply sharing my experience of it.
End of Part2…. Part 3 to follow
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