Some years ago, I went through a period I used to call Sacred Rage. I felt like I was burning in the Fire of Kali from the core of my Being, and probably I was. I could not stand still, silent and pretend that all was well, because wherever I was looking, the Goddess was portrayed as a size 0 model, with big boobs, skinny legs, in the perfect pose, for the perfect picture and wearing sexy clothes. I started to write this piece at that time and (for a reason unknown to me back then) I stopped. I left it as it was, incomplete, as if an inner impulse was telling me to move through this stage and see wherever it was guiding me.
The evolution of that energy from back then to now has brought me to believe that it is always about Surrendering to Her, nothing more.
When the Sacred Rage hit me, I was asking myself: “Aren’t we living in the age of Aquarius? Aren’t we supposed to bring forth a new earth and the power of the Divine Feminine?”
Unfortunately, back then I was looking in the wrong direction (or the right direction, it depends on how you see it). I was looking for the Goddess everywhere. But when I was on social media, going to courses or reading books, I was seeking Her outside of myself. I traveled around the world to find Her. I read stories, poems about Her and I followed teachers claiming to be Her channel. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t see Her, I could not feel Her, and I could not hear Her talk…. Not because She wasn’t there but because I was looking for something outside of my Being.
At that time, what bothered me the most were the images. Most of the writings and images felt outdated and unbalancing to me. Women claiming to be the embodiment of this Goddess or another taking pictures in constructed poses and publishing photoshopped images while talking about Her. I felt disrespected and sad as they were claiming that they wanted to empower women, yet they were bringing forth the message with the same old misogynistic and egotistical narrative. I wanted to scream from the core of my being. Instead I stood silent. I did not share my rage and I kept all those emotions inside. I acknowledge them, I didn’t dwell on them.
During those months, I felt chained to expectations of who I was supposed to be. Instead of expanding and surrendering I betrayed myself for fear of being unaccepted and alone. And that was not serving the Goddess at all! And of course, I should know better, right? But the events that followed were brought into my life by the Great Merciful Mother as guides and teachers, that truly helped me understand, expand and surrender even more.
Then one day, I asked myself if I really wanted to know the Divine Feminine, if I wanted to feel the Goddess within, so I could see her without. I started by getting rid of old paradigm ideas of who She is and the assumptions of how She acts, talk and looks. I removed the glamorous images of perfection and stop pretending that all was roses and dandelions because I was surrendering to become Her voice here on Earth. I moved into the Her Heart first and then in to Her Womb. I only recently started to enter Her Mind.
It took me time to move into the 3 circles because I had to experience the energy first hand, before I could talk about it. When I work with the Goddess, it is always about tasting the message by receiving the teaching or guidance and experiencing it first hand.
The truth is (at least for me) that when we work with the Goddess life goes upside down and turns inside out. This happens because our vibrations need to raise so that we can meet Her. We are pushed and pulled in all directions, stretched to a limit that doesn’t exist. All of this because our energy and vibration must be strong enough to be in Her presence, to meet Her within and without.
Human beings don’t do upside down and inside out very well. We don’t like surrendering while we try to impose control on every single second of our life. So, yes life gets very messy for a while and it doesn’t necessarily become perfection just because we embody Her. Perfection is not natural.
There is no standard or classification of how life should be when we work with the Goddess. We cannot tell people to do this and that and except specific results. We simply can’t anymore! The Goddess is not here to make us rich and fabulous.
The Goddess doesn’t owe us anything.
She is not here to be worshiped and above all She is not here to make our life easy. We must stop pretending that by working with the Goddess our desires will manifest. The Goddess is not a fairy god mother, with a magical wand.
And desire is just attachment.
We are here to be in Service, to surrender, to become open channels for Her Voice and Her work, here on earth.
Back then, to me the Goddess in action was not a size 0 model with flawless skin and perfect body.
Today I see that she could be anyone: the woman in front of you in line at the checkout that is selflessly helping homeless people. We do not know about it because there is no ego and need to proclaim to the world what she is doing. She is simply doing it out of Love. Or it could be the beautiful model with the perfect skin that knows the down side of the fashion industry and because of her experience is helping women with their self-esteem now. It could be your neighbor, that secretly looks after the stray cats of the area and feeds them with Love, or the political activist without an agenda…… you get my drift.
The Goddess in action can be anything and anyone. We do not know how She walks on this Earth, because when we look for Her, we often look with a preconceived idea of who She is.
I feel a bit ashamed as in my condemnation of the misogynistic aspect of it, I failed to see that from the model type image to the everyday woman the image of the Goddess was just that, an image, nothing more.
I didn’t see beyond the appearance and the illusion and I assumed. In my passionate rage, I was caught in the duality net, I was triggered by Her for reasons that came to light in the years that followed.
If I can be honest, I am still unnerved by some displays of Goddess perfection and selfies where all I can see, feel and read is I, I, and more I. And I still feel annoyed because I can sense that behind some of these proclamations of Self Love and worthiness, the images of perfection, the perfect narrative of a pseudo life, There Lies the Ego.
But I also sense that sometimes it is not what it looks like and behind the perfect image there can be a dis-empowered woman looking for approval, a woman that feels the need to see the Goddess according to the contemporary standard of beauty, so she can feel closer to Her.
Alas, I am aware that there are also those that use the beautiful image and the perfect narrative to hide and scheme. But it is not up to me to judge what they are doing anymore. I met some of these people, got caught in the trap and paid the price. They played on my ego and I liked the excessive and insincere praise, given to me to further their own interests. I take full responsibility as I became a pray for my ego by closing down my inner voice. Everyone has a purpose and that was the Goddess showing up in my life to destroy my ego, so I could surrender.
In the end, it doesn’t really matter the way we see the Goddess. What’s important is the integrity behind our choices and actions.
And so, the question “why do we think that we must show up in fake perfection to make sure people believe we are embodying the Goddess?” was not that important to me anymore.
Our modern (and often unrealistic) standards of beauty are very much part of an old world. We were taught to look and judge through the filter of our eyes. If it looks acceptable then it has to be so. So, we boxed and labelled the Goddess too. The Goddess to Humans represents perfection and so we used what we thought was the perfect image to represents Her.
We did not dare to go beyond the appearance and unrealistic constructs of who She is.
But times have changed!
We now know that the human mind needs to classify to understand BUT we’ll never understand Her, if we keep looking for Her through the lens of the mind. The moment we start explaining, defining and classifying Her, we give that energy limits and boundaries so that the human part of us can pretend to understand Her, feel closer to Her, if you will.
The issue with that, is that we are giving form to the formless, to Spirit, to something that can never be quantified, classified and bound by time, space and anything else, really. But we started to move to a place where (hopefully) soon, we do not need to classify Her anymore. We’ll feel the Goddess within us and inside every living being without the need for classification, form and labels.
Going back to my original rage, one day She started to raise again from within and I started to ask myself this question: am I experiencing Sacred Rage or something different? I had to dig deep within my soul to make sense of this feeling. There was something I was missing, I had a feeling that there was more to it.
I allowed myself to be vulnerable, I had to be honest with what I was feeling as this is not just about sacred rage anymore. In my quest to surrender more and more to Spirit, I had to do it. This is not about denouncing an old egotistical and misogynistic idea of the Goddess. This is about honestly feeling and acknowledging this energy that for some reason is pulling me back. And so, I started to slowly reconnect with this strange energy that on the surface looks like a Divine Destroyer. I felt this need to unveil it.
And then 2017 came. Many things have happened in the last years. I went back to look at that feeling and there she was, that part of me that feels rejected, unloved, not pretty enough, awkward and unaccepted. Was I denouncing or was I judging? BOTH!
They were the 2 sides to the same coin again. I was trapped in the net of duality and the illusion was keeping me bounded to the old paradigm, the ego and the mind. I had to free myself by surrendering and feeling the Oneness within me. I experienced the judgment and condemnation, sacred rage and dis-empowerment. I experienced it towards others and from others towards myself.
The journey with the Goddess is a fascinating one. To me it is a journey of unbecoming, and unveiling, dismantling and destroying all that stands in our way to embody and owing our essence, our Spirit, who we truly are. This is not a journey about wounds and forgiveness or about pain, drama and suffering.
It is about moving beyond that duality embedded in the tapestry of human consciousness. It means going back to Source where we are just one energy. From there we can journey through the Diamond Heart of Her Being, like particles of Light, become the seven rays of co-creation and walk on the Sacred Heart to be:
The Will of the Goddess
The Wisdom of the Goddess
The Love of the Goddess
The Purity of the Goddess
The Precipitation of the Goddess
The Peace of the Goddess
The Alchemy of the Goddess
And much more….
© Michela Sborchia ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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